Ashley Kirkland

                after Nikki Giovanni

I am becoming

                                farther out,

as in, the way the tide pulls from

                the land: surprising

at times and distant. Not far out

                as in cool.

Memory: we picked up subs

                from the deli on the corner,

took them out to Robert Moses Beach

and ate under the clouds

with the surf hushing

at our feet. I’d wanted

to show off the perks of the city

just a short drive from the beach!

We got caught in the rain.

Who advertises New York City with beach access?

                I do. Because I want

to be loved.

But that was years ago and now

                I’m a buoy bobbing out in the surf

seasick. Seagulls land on me to rest and, well,

                                you know.

The news washes over me and I blink

                it out of my eyes because of the pills

or maybe my far out nature. There is a woman

                                who stands on the corner in town

with a sign about the terrible

things that are happening

and I think about honking

                                but don’t want to give her

                the wrong impression. I thought about

taking her a goodie bag with food and water,

                                but I didn’t because I was worried

she might not like sea salt and vinegar chips or may have

                some kind of allergy. I did nothing.

I’m so far out I can’t do a thing

                but go about my business and wish I’d done

a thing.

I drive past the woman doing something noble

                                or just doing something at all

                and think about the ways I could help

                                her.

                I feel pride in my chest for what I thought

                                about doing

and make it through another moment

in the world. I turn the corner again and say

what kind of chips would you like today?

            and spin far out into oblivion.