R.M. Fradkin

Laura Chenel goat cheese 8-oz orig. $6.99 each

TopCare ibuprofen 50-count $2.79 each

USDA choice angus beef top sirloin steak $4.99 lb.

Organic mangos $1.69 each

Antique hydrangeas 2-stems $4.99 each

Bakery fresh chocolate cream pie $5.99 each

Rosauers take-and-bake 1-topping pizza $7.99 each

Drano Max Gel Clog Remover, 32-oz $4.59 each

Hershey’s king size candy bars 4 for $5

Lotus Foods heat & eat rice $1.69 each

Prairie fresh bone-in pork shoulder roast $1.69 lb.

Fresh green beans $1.49 lb.

Windex Glass Cleaner, 23-oz $3.79 each

Sugar Kiss bouquet $5.99 each

Feasts that could be made with what is on the Rosauers sign: Rice and steak. Port roast with mango chutney. Smores if Jeremy hasn’t eaten all the marshmallows in the cupboard. A charcuterie board with goat cheese and pepperoni, if pepperoni is the topping on the Rosauers take-and-bake 1-topping pizza. Pizza with green beans on top, if green beans was not already the topping on the Rosauers take-and-bake 1-topping pizza. Pizza with extra green beans if it was.  Jeremy will like the pie crust but not the chocolate cream. He’s hard to please, for a sweatshirt stuffed with pillows. Winnie, the baseball cap dangling from the chair at the head of the table, would go for some goat cheese-mango puffs to start, then pork shoulder roast fried in pie cream. Her tastes are more elaborate than Jeremy’s, but she’s equally hard to please.

Jeremy never helps with the dishes. He just sits around waiting for meals to plop in front of him. So Jeremy will get a Windex chocolate stew served alongside a green bean casserole laced with the bottle of ibuprofen to kill him off when he’s been too uppity. Winnie will sulk, so I’ll give her cockroach fried rice with peanut sauce extracted from the Hershey Mr. Goodbars. But nothing will appease her. Finally, she will get hydrangea and Draino croquettes.

Then it will be back to eating alone, a hunk of raw sirloin tenderized to a pulp. 

The Sugar Kiss bouquet makes a beautiful centerpiece for any of the above meals.