Brad Rose

You Won’t Regret It

How many mistakes do you make a year?  I mean, excluding the shenanigans and tomfoolery. Must be due to the gravitational pull. Of course, not everyone has hidden talents, but there’s always the remote possibility of a rogue wave. It may be the only chance we have left to save Western Civ, as we used to call it in college. Thankfully, despite all the groovy vibes and the far-out tremblors, we all grow-up—eventually. In fact, due to natural selection and a mildly obnoxious work environment, I’ve learned some real-world survival skills. They work best in cubical-office environments, but beggars can’t be choosers. It helps to have several siblings, particularly if you’re looking for someone to go ballistic at, although it’s not short-term gratification I’m after; I’m looking for long-term meaninglessness. Psychological studies have taught us that the best way to burn your bridges in front of you is to bring along your remedial flamethrower and an inflatable dingy. I’m telling you; you won’t regret it.   Not even once.